Weddin went fine & about her.

My friend's weddin ceremony went just fine. Such an enlightenin moment. I nearly drop my happy tears fer reason I know not. Heh. It feels good to see a friend get married. The food is great and I spent quite some time fillin up my stomach haha. No eligible chicks I can recall though so it's not that fun anyway. Anyway, to you Shah Ridzuan and Khatijah, may the life ahead be filled with Allah's bless and happiness.

Guess what? I was so excited bout my friend's weddin, I bought quite a few of things which is unusual fer me. I bought 2 collar tees, 1 khaki, a pair of boots and a pair of shoes. Wow. Well there was a sale and I just got a bargain. I guess. When I was lookin fer a pair of jeans, I realised that my fund ran low. So no jeans fer me fer now.

Somehow, at the weddin place, there was quite a time of me bein 'alone'. I mean, the loneliness just shows. Not my time yet I guess.

I'm still waitin fer any reply from the person I long lost. It's torturin me. Anythin can happen between the time she sent her email until now. I need to know how she's been, all the things happenin around her, anythin. *sigh*. When it's just "this" close of seein each other again, I guess I just don't have that luck. I don't know why I've been waitin fer all this years, neither do my friends who knew her. I should've just get on with the life I have left. Heck I am. I do get on with it. It's just that there's a piece of a me, like an incomplete puzzle which I just need to complete. How can I put it? Words is hard and writin bout it is much harder.

She was my sweetheart. There I said it. My lover when I just finished highschool. She understands me. Her looks won't make men glance at her twice but she have this thing bout her that's just so perfect. Maybe her kindness, maybe her simple mind, maybe the way she smiles. Oh I know she have all of it. Oh why the heck I'm tellin good things bout my ex? Trust me that's rare fer me because almost all of my ex-es are a bunch of garbage. 1, it's because she IS simple minded, kind, understandin and I just like the way she smile. And the other reason, we never officially broke up. Weird eh?

Heck I know I misunderstood her back then. We were fine until a few years after that, I misunderstood her fer a moment. And after that, it all went hell. And my stupidity caused the 1st chapter of losin contact. I still didn't forgive meself fer that. I know I was stupid. I moved on back then but still I have this feelin of wantin to see her again even if we can't meet. Like I've said, even if I could see her on the other side of the road on a busy monday. Even if just fer a few seconds, it'll be enough. But it tooks years after that to actually see her again.

But at that time, we both had chosen our path, me with my gf (at that time, such a waste of time if I could spent a little of my brain cells to think bout it..) and she's with her bf. Still, I was happy. To think that although we couldn't be together, we can still talks like the good old days. It was the 2nd biggest mistake I made. I should've dumped the thrash who's with me back then and stole her from her bf. Sounds harsh am I? To think bout it, that was the best thing that could've happened but because I wanted to be a "one-women" kinda guy, I fucked it up.

Why am I pissed off? Wait, I'm not pissed off because Intan (the person I've lost contact, the old sweetheart) have a new bf. Neither am I angry at her bf (but honestly I was jealous..). I'm pissed off and still am because my gf was havin a relationship on my back. Only if I knew bout it sooner. She deleted Intan's mobile number because she got jealous. What did I do? I did nothin and say nothin. And to make things worst, my mobile got stolen a few days after that. Then she testified that she is havin another relationship behind me. So I backed off. But I lost the war because I lose Intan, again. Like what I've said, I should've dumped the thrash earlier.

Long after that, Bobby (my friend who's livin with me here in Puchong) saw Intan in KL. But then he was smart enough to NOT ask fer any numbers. *sigh*. They even had a talk. Anyway, I knew that Intan wanted to see me again too. Bobby said the details.

Then this latest email. Which I had the privilege to read only after nearly 6 month after it was sent. Why? Why this torture? What did I do wrong back then? I'm tired of hopin but I'm still chasin. I'm tired of waitin but I never want to give up. Even if she's married now. I don't want anythin else, I just want to see her. 6 months.. Anythin can happen in 6 months.

I just don't know what got into me today. I ceased to write somethin as open or harsh like this. I was afraid that I might hurt someone's feelin because I know there's people involved are readin this. But right now I don't give a hell. It's been in me fer too long. It's true anyway so why should I even care the outcome of this? Pissed off? Then fuck you!

Still, I'm waitin fer some sort of miracle. My friends told me to keep the hopes low but I don't care if I AM chasin shadows here. This hope don't die so why should I just kill it? I'll wait. Heck it's not like it's my 1st time. There, I guess this is a good therapy. Somehow it's a relief to let it out of my chest. Later.