Lazy day & Momoe's bloggin.

Well, well. What's been happenin in my world lately? Uh, not much. Still bored with work, still stuck with no impressive social life. My head itches because I guess it's still tryin to adjust with the length of the hair. Tryin too hard I think. My bass is startin to collect dust due to my laziness to practice. I'm still stuck with a blank page in writin fer Fractured new lyric. The theme is there, somewhere in my head but I just can't get my pen scratchin.

Momoe (Ah now she have a url accompanyin her name huh.. hehe :P) has started writin blog nowadays. Hear ye, hear ye. Well, you go girl! Hope that you'll just write whatever it is and fer sure it'll be worth it. You can find her link on this blog's 'Blog Brothers/Sisters's link.

Today is one of those lazy days. I'm feelin lazy. And I like it. Ah there might be a slight turn in my life again. And this time it'll give a far greater effect to the course of my life. No, not marriage, uh not even an engagement. It has nothin to do with that. it's just somethin about ... WORK! Bah!. Later.

Cut my hair.

I took a few pictures of me yesterday. Heck I want to upload the pics but the camera's USB cable is missin. Soon I hope. It was the picture of me with my long hair a few minutes before I cut it short. Yeah now my hair is very short. I never knew my hair was so long when I saw the pictures. Hah.

If you see my small picture of the right side of this blog, you'll know that's kind of what I look like now. Maybe shorter. I don't know. I'll take a picture soon hopefully.

Plans, plans, plans. Let's see.. Okay Fractured was suppose to prepare fer recordin this month. Well we're kinda ready but late. Later.

Heart of glass...

Shattered. If a single sms will cost about 10cent, it only took about 30cents to break me. Somehow this feelin I got since last few days was right. Somehow. All this years of bein hung, without a rope; just ended. Maybe bein happy is too much to ask. For it hasn't been granted yet to me. Not eternally.

The relationship I had with Intan just ended. Just like that. No voice, just textual notification. Like a bright light, it all seems so clear today. I don't need to make meself easy anymore. I'm just unwanted. Just like that. I never got the chance to know the real reason. Except fer things like "I have a new commitment for my future and my family" which I don't have the energy to decrypt. It can mean anythin, not that I'm not interested in knowin, but the main thing is clear; the relationship ended.

I waited fer years just to know it'll end today. Like this. In my current situation. I lost the people I needed the most one by one. One way or another.

I wonder why she don't want to say it. Voice it. Say it to my ears. I can unshamely say that I'm hurt and frustrated.

When a woman is loyal, it's true love. When a man do that, they say it's stupidity. So yes I might be. Depends on your perception. Some may rejoice, happy that somehow I failed, again. Some may share the same pain I have. I just don't care.

I will still love her. Maybe forever. I'm hurt, yes, but I can never forget the good things we've experienced. The feelin of this somewhat pathetic love will consume me. I don't know. Let it be. To ease myself, I have to hate her. For which I can unshamely say I know that I can never have the heart to do so. I just don't have that strength.

May you be happy with whoever that lucky man is. No worries, I will never be a competition to him. If you somehow read this.. I just don't know what to say. Just be happy. For someday, I hopefully will. You are special.

I was ready to meet her father. I was ready fer a commitment. Was my wish too much to ask?

Longin to hear her voice...

It's been a few days since I last talk to her on the phone. The last time we talked, it was already a few days since the 2nd last time. Honestly, I miss her very much.

Her phone went kaput so there goes our daily chat. So, it's a torment. After years and years of separation, I had to do what I've been doin fer ages. Wait. And wait. I don't blame her though. I know her current condition. I know it'll be hard fer her to contact me 1st by lookin at her condition.

Still, this is drivin me nuts. Thinkin bout how long it'll take to talk to her again. I feel like I want to drive to her place but I'm not sure if it's the right time. Her father is unpredictable. I wanted to call her mother's mobile, I did the last time we talked but I don't want to bother her mother with this.

I wonder if she feels the torture like I'm feelin right now. Does she misses me like I am to her? Honestly, I'm not too sure. Because I don't know how women feels like deep inside. I've been like a loonie since a few days ago thinkin bout this. Arrghh! How I want to hear her voice so bad. If only she knows it.. Fortunately she doesn't read this blog of mine.

Ever since my father died, I'm gettin more and more lonelier. It's like that everybody else is a stranger. No, I got it wrong. I guess it's not the right word. It's like everybody else still have someone else who's more important in their lives. And fer sure they all have. As fer me, I'll just be with meself. This is the reason why I'm dyin to talk to her. But the situation is kinda not on my side.

Maybe my emotions is not yet stable. I don't know. I think so. I guess it's gettin more and more frequent to see me write some sentimental things in here huh? Ah well. Later.