Shattered. If a single sms will cost about 10cent, it only took about 30cents to break me. Somehow this feelin I got since last few days was right. Somehow. All this years of bein hung, without a rope; just ended. Maybe bein happy is too much to ask. For it hasn't been granted yet to me. Not eternally.
The relationship I had with Intan just ended. Just like that. No voice, just textual notification. Like a bright light, it all seems so clear today. I don't need to make meself easy anymore. I'm just unwanted. Just like that. I never got the chance to know the real reason. Except fer things like "I have a new commitment for my future and my family" which I don't have the energy to decrypt. It can mean anythin, not that I'm not interested in knowin, but the main thing is clear; the relationship ended.
I waited fer years just to know it'll end today. Like this. In my current situation. I lost the people I needed the most one by one. One way or another.
I wonder why she don't want to say it. Voice it. Say it to my ears. I can unshamely say that I'm hurt and frustrated.
When a woman is loyal, it's true love. When a man do that, they say it's stupidity. So yes I might be. Depends on your perception. Some may rejoice, happy that somehow I failed, again. Some may share the same pain I have. I just don't care.
I will still love her. Maybe forever. I'm hurt, yes, but I can never forget the good things we've experienced. The feelin of this somewhat pathetic love will consume me. I don't know. Let it be. To ease myself, I have to hate her. For which I can unshamely say I know that I can never have the heart to do so. I just don't have that strength.
May you be happy with whoever that lucky man is. No worries, I will never be a competition to him. If you somehow read this.. I just don't know what to say. Just be happy. For someday, I hopefully will. You are special.
I was ready to meet her father. I was ready fer a commitment. Was my wish too much to ask?
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