A letter from afar

Dear me,

Sorry if I wrote this a little bit late. It's not that I don't want to get online, it's just that I can't anymore. No my Streamyx didn't get cut off. It's my laptop's built-in network adapter. I fergot to detach the telephone line from my ADSL modem and I think it was rainin quite heavily while I was in KL fer Gegaran Metal 2005 gigs and lightin zapped my network adapter. How did I know my network adapter is kaput? Because it's no longer present in the System Information (Win XP) AND ifconfig (FreeBSD). So, I had to write this from an internet cafe. I can safely assume that my internet life is over now. Why the hell do I want to keep the Streamyx if I can't use it anymore? It's no use tellin me to repair the darn built-in network adapter because financially, that's the least important thing I want to consider doin right now.

But I'll log in once in a while from an internet cafe or whatever because somehow, my life grew around the internet. I consider you guys, the people I can't see, the people I don't know as my friends. While others prefer to go out and face the real life, I live in this tiny room, roamin the big internet life. Someday I'll get my Streamyx back. I do hope so. Someday, probably after I bought a better desktop computer. Who knows. Or perhaps, I'll try to live in the real life. Back to reality.

I also want to tell you about the gigs. How was it? Well, it was great! The crowd was very supportive and the bands playin with us are all great. Symphonic Metal, Brutal Death Metal, Thrash Metal; you name it and it was all in it. We did good and my throat did make it till the last song. Whew. I was afraid that I'll cough in the middle of a song or somethin and thankfully, I didn't. We got our performance on video and Fahmi already burnt in to DVD. Well, my laptop doesnt have a DVD-Rom so I can just drool and hope that Udin will convert it to VCD. We played 5 songs that evenin.

1) The Bodybag - our own
2) Once Stabbed - our own
3) Let The World Burns - our own (new song!)
4) Tresspass - The Haunted
5) Blinded By Fear - At The Gates

The new song went great! Unfortunately, one of Hangah's strings snapped in the middle of the new song but another band lend him a guitar and the show managed to go on without any other glitches. Like I've told you earlier, the crowd was very supportive and someone actually shouted "Orang kampung den" at me. That's cool. Hopefully there'll be another gig fer us soon because I'm sure as heck can't wait fer another one to come.

I didn't find a new job yet and yeah I know it's the middle of the month now. I still don't quite know what I'm gonna do but I'll figure out somethin soon. It's good thing that I'm havin a rest because Momoe was here so I can just go out on dates with her and never have to worry bout goin to work. I'll find some kind of work later after she went back to Japan.

How's Momoe? I sent her to KLIA on 14th July in the mornin fer her flight back to Japan. She came on 9th July and I thought I was late to pick her up at KLIA when nearly and hour after that, she called and said that MAS was late. I managed to avoid usin PLUS highway on my way to KLIA but I kinda lost in my way back to Seremban and was tricked to choose the highway. Damn PLUS is sure smart. In quite a short trip, we managed to do many memorable things. We went to the amusement park in Seremban, goin to a ghost house (which later I saw a teddy bear hung inside among the other ghosts and she said it scared her. I hope she's not scared of that teddy bear) and I almost spewed my guts out when we ride a rift ride which I swore that will be the last time Ill ever get on that ride again.

Oh, she came with us to the Gegaran Metal 2005 gig. When it was time fer me to perform, I saw her near the front of the stage. It's not that hard to find her because while everybody else is wearin black shirts and a few white one, she wore a kawaii (yes kawaii, not hawaii. kawaii means cute) floral shirt. She kept buyin bottle after bottle of mineral water and I do feel guilty because we kept gettin the newly bought mineral water lost somewhere. Deep down inside me, Im very glad that I see her again; even when she said that the trip was the last one. Yes, she came here fer the last time. I avoided to talk with her bout that when she came because I just want her to enjoy her visit. And I wanted to enjoy her visit too.

Before I sent her to KLIA fer her flight to Japan, she gave me a bottle of honey and said, "it's a honey fer my honey, eat it so that you can sing better". That's sweet. Both her and the honey. I didn't get her anythin, a typical stupid behavior-o-mine. I should've bought her somethin at least. Damn. I'm feelin mushy. Why can't I? To know that after this it'll be hard fer me to see her again makes me feel empty. I don't know what I'll do to see her again. She's special, very special to me and I'm not afraid to tell you that. And yes most of the time, reality is so cruel. It's somethin special to me, that in a short period of her trip, we're close. In fact, we're so close that I still wonder why was I born Malaysian and she, Japanese. It's saddenin fer me to see her go back and instead of kidnappin her and make her stay, I was the one who sent her away. It breaks me even more to realise that this was the last time I'll see her in real life and the time to look at her was never enough. "It's a honey fer my honey..". I'll never forget that phrase.

Ah, this is gettin more like an anti-hero love story. Forgive me if the emotion was overflowin but I just feels like writin bout it. It's rare fer me to show some emotion but this time, it's somewhat different. I feel like I want to show how I feel to somebody. All this time I kept all the emotion inside and now I can't take it anymore. Yeah, I'm gettin soft nowadays. But I know it's a right feelin. I'm gonna go now and take another spoon of that honey she bought. Later then.

Yours(elf),

Zul.