The face I wanted to see.

I met her in person again yesterday. After all this years, seein her again is like we just have a date last Saturday. All the hardship of bein seperated fer years just disappeared. No ackward feelin at all. Her appearance didn't change at all. Still that face, still that same smile. And I still have that tingly feelin like the last time I met her. Fer a moment, I was speechless, tryin to believe that she is in front of me, that face I wanted to see again fer a long time.

Sure, somehow things changed. But mostly it's the grown environment we left behind. Courses of life took a turn or two. Fer sure added events in those lost times. But neither of that changed the feelin.

Ah, I didn't plan on meetin her yesterday. Not that soon. If I can call it 'soon'. The most suitable name is 'spontaneous'. We talked on the phone and *bang*, I just thought that I want to meet her. So I did. I should've done that earlier. Much earlier. I know, I need to improve. We talked and talked until the clock got jealous and put 3:xx in the mornin fer display. The first time we had a date till mornin. Most of the chat is to catch up with our lost times. Still, the time is never enough. German won and I had to leave. I had to remember that she's still someone's daughter. I don't want to make a bad impression to her father.

It's a relief I made that slight decision. The decision of goin there and meet her. A small decision but with a big impact. If I didn't, I know right now I'm feelin guilty. More or less, I'd tell myself that I'm stupid. stupid fer not tryin to take that chance. Fer not tryin. Heck her place is not that far either.

I'm pretty sure I'll get addicted to that. Travellin from my place to hers. Forget bout any typical date session. Just do it. What about today? I don't think I need to plan anythin on that now. Heh I still have goosebumps. Later.

Back on track... *smiles*..

Thing does go unexpectedly. So finally, I'm back in contact with her. Thanks to an unexpected help. A really big help. You know who you are! Well, I know what's been goin on between you and Intan but then, I don't have any intention to get involve in it. :). Still, the fact is that with your help, I can reach Intan again. I know just a "thank you" won't be enough. Maybe your cup of Starbuck later. Yeah maybe you are an angel from above ;).

After all this years seperated, me and her we're keepin in touch again. Like the old times. And we're both single. So what now? It's like what I was told yesterday, "Maybe your past experiences with your ex-es made you realise that she IS the right person after all. Maybe you have learned your past mistakes. Maybe you and her really are meant to be together.". I sure hope that it is true. Wait, that's the old me, now it's "I'll try my best to make sure it is true".

Once, one of my ex asked me, "How can you forget your past relationship so fast?". I think she didn't get it. I never forget any of it. It's just that we all need to move on. Should I shows my feelin fer the past? Ok maybe I'm lack of sensitivity about it but it doesn't mean that I'm a heartless brat. The things is just a past, cheerfull or not. Happy or less. Sure sometime it's hard to forget about someone (a nice and good person, you know you are an angel Momoe. <3 fer you always..) but don't let the current situation turn the feelins into hatred. Yeah I'm pissed off with most of my ex-es but I don't literary 'hate' them. Hey things go fer a reason or two. Heh but it's a double-edge sword too, that also doesn't mean that I like you or still wants to hear any news bout you. Get over it.

So it's hard to please everybody but it's your lucky day! I don't have that in me nowadays. What goes from now on? All the typical plannin and so on bla bla *giggles*. Ah now I'm ready fer that commitment. Not that soon though. Later ;).

Membebel..

Macam orang gila. Yup. Bukan 'macam', tapi memang dah gila kot saya nih. Ah, skema. Kata ganti nama guna 'saya' instead of 'aku'. Tapi dah memang bertahun tak pakai 'aku'. Bunyi macam kasar. 'gua-lu' lagi lembut. Heh, penjelasan yang tak relevan pada masa ni.

Pelik. Tulis blog dalam BM. Tak tau le kenapa. Saja nak ubah selera, atau sebetulnya, tengah kucar-kacir skit kepala ni. Reason? Reason tu jugak le. Nama yang dah bertahun didengar dan takleh nak lupa. Terpisah disebabkan macam-macam hal. Intan, sape lagi? Memang dah dijangkakan blog saya lepas ni takde citer pasal lain dah. Citer tu jek la. Sikit2 nama tu, sikit2 nama tu. Yup, macam saya cakap tadi, memang dah gila kot.

Last time masuk IRC, hmm, lupa dah. Lama sangat. Tapi sebab dah gila, arinih tiba-tiba jek masuk IRC. Apekejadah? Harapan kot? Harapan utk dimsg oleh Intan. Heh. Dream on. Tak masuk akal tapi buat jugak. Mane la tau kan? Sebab apa? Sebab penyiksaan ni sungguh, uhm, menyiksakan. Penantian. Tunggu dan tunggu dan tunggu. Mesti ramai tak paham kenapa. Kenapa nak buang masa atas sesuatu yang tak pasti? Ketidakpastian yang berkemungkinan mengecewakan tatkala diketahui kebenaran.

Still lagi kat IRC. Tak menaip pun dalam tu. Kepuasan sebab sekurang-kurangnyek ade gak usaha untuk, uhm, berusaha. Dok tercongok tengok orang berborak ntah apa-apa. Heh. Dulu ade gak terjebak IRC nih. Skang dah tadek mood. Masa telah mengubah keadaan. Tapi perasaan plak? Hmm. Still macam dulu.

Tak penat ke menunggu? Soalan yang selalu ditanya oleh minda kedua. Soalan yang biasa dijawap oleh alter ego yang satu lagi. Macam2 alasan. Tapi penantian tu tak pernah mengganggu perhubungan yang lain. Malah tak pernah pulak menyebabkan kesan buruk kat mana-mana relationship yang sedia ada. Kalau nak diikutkan, perkara yang sebaliknyek terjadi. Perhubungan yang sedia ada menjahanamkan penantian tu.

Adakah itu membolehkan saya dilabel sebagai seorang yang unpredictable? Seseorang yang pada bila-bila masa boleh berubah? Come on, nothin is predictable. Kepercayaan itu lebih penting.

Ni dah kali ke berapa puluh bukak email. Mengharap keajaiban terjadi. Termasuk le belek handphone. Takut sangat tiba-tiba takde coverage, atau service down, atau celcom bankrap. Padahal kalau dah memang bukan masa untuk jumpa dier, memang takkan jumpa. Tapi biase le, kepuasan berbuat sesuatu walaupun nampak silly. Tapi betul ke silly?

Ok, katakan le dapat jugak jumpa Intan akhirnyek. Tapi dier dah kawin, or bertunang ke ape ke. Camne plak? Well, still tak mengubah apa-apa. Niat ni cuma satu jek. Nak at least jumpe sekejap. Kerana tujuan itu adalah kepuasan. Kebanyakkan masa kita ni dibazirkan dalam usaha untuk hidup and instead of doin that, saya nak merasai kepuasannya. Apa yang ade dimasa hadapan? Tak siapa yang tau. Later.

Weddin went fine & about her.

My friend's weddin ceremony went just fine. Such an enlightenin moment. I nearly drop my happy tears fer reason I know not. Heh. It feels good to see a friend get married. The food is great and I spent quite some time fillin up my stomach haha. No eligible chicks I can recall though so it's not that fun anyway. Anyway, to you Shah Ridzuan and Khatijah, may the life ahead be filled with Allah's bless and happiness.

Guess what? I was so excited bout my friend's weddin, I bought quite a few of things which is unusual fer me. I bought 2 collar tees, 1 khaki, a pair of boots and a pair of shoes. Wow. Well there was a sale and I just got a bargain. I guess. When I was lookin fer a pair of jeans, I realised that my fund ran low. So no jeans fer me fer now.

Somehow, at the weddin place, there was quite a time of me bein 'alone'. I mean, the loneliness just shows. Not my time yet I guess.

I'm still waitin fer any reply from the person I long lost. It's torturin me. Anythin can happen between the time she sent her email until now. I need to know how she's been, all the things happenin around her, anythin. *sigh*. When it's just "this" close of seein each other again, I guess I just don't have that luck. I don't know why I've been waitin fer all this years, neither do my friends who knew her. I should've just get on with the life I have left. Heck I am. I do get on with it. It's just that there's a piece of a me, like an incomplete puzzle which I just need to complete. How can I put it? Words is hard and writin bout it is much harder.

She was my sweetheart. There I said it. My lover when I just finished highschool. She understands me. Her looks won't make men glance at her twice but she have this thing bout her that's just so perfect. Maybe her kindness, maybe her simple mind, maybe the way she smiles. Oh I know she have all of it. Oh why the heck I'm tellin good things bout my ex? Trust me that's rare fer me because almost all of my ex-es are a bunch of garbage. 1, it's because she IS simple minded, kind, understandin and I just like the way she smile. And the other reason, we never officially broke up. Weird eh?

Heck I know I misunderstood her back then. We were fine until a few years after that, I misunderstood her fer a moment. And after that, it all went hell. And my stupidity caused the 1st chapter of losin contact. I still didn't forgive meself fer that. I know I was stupid. I moved on back then but still I have this feelin of wantin to see her again even if we can't meet. Like I've said, even if I could see her on the other side of the road on a busy monday. Even if just fer a few seconds, it'll be enough. But it tooks years after that to actually see her again.

But at that time, we both had chosen our path, me with my gf (at that time, such a waste of time if I could spent a little of my brain cells to think bout it..) and she's with her bf. Still, I was happy. To think that although we couldn't be together, we can still talks like the good old days. It was the 2nd biggest mistake I made. I should've dumped the thrash who's with me back then and stole her from her bf. Sounds harsh am I? To think bout it, that was the best thing that could've happened but because I wanted to be a "one-women" kinda guy, I fucked it up.

Why am I pissed off? Wait, I'm not pissed off because Intan (the person I've lost contact, the old sweetheart) have a new bf. Neither am I angry at her bf (but honestly I was jealous..). I'm pissed off and still am because my gf was havin a relationship on my back. Only if I knew bout it sooner. She deleted Intan's mobile number because she got jealous. What did I do? I did nothin and say nothin. And to make things worst, my mobile got stolen a few days after that. Then she testified that she is havin another relationship behind me. So I backed off. But I lost the war because I lose Intan, again. Like what I've said, I should've dumped the thrash earlier.

Long after that, Bobby (my friend who's livin with me here in Puchong) saw Intan in KL. But then he was smart enough to NOT ask fer any numbers. *sigh*. They even had a talk. Anyway, I knew that Intan wanted to see me again too. Bobby said the details.

Then this latest email. Which I had the privilege to read only after nearly 6 month after it was sent. Why? Why this torture? What did I do wrong back then? I'm tired of hopin but I'm still chasin. I'm tired of waitin but I never want to give up. Even if she's married now. I don't want anythin else, I just want to see her. 6 months.. Anythin can happen in 6 months.

I just don't know what got into me today. I ceased to write somethin as open or harsh like this. I was afraid that I might hurt someone's feelin because I know there's people involved are readin this. But right now I don't give a hell. It's been in me fer too long. It's true anyway so why should I even care the outcome of this? Pissed off? Then fuck you!

Still, I'm waitin fer some sort of miracle. My friends told me to keep the hopes low but I don't care if I AM chasin shadows here. This hope don't die so why should I just kill it? I'll wait. Heck it's not like it's my 1st time. There, I guess this is a good therapy. Somehow it's a relief to let it out of my chest. Later.

ikan di laut, asam di darat & rebuildin website.

Oh my. Sometime things just go unexpectedly. The person who I knew fer more than 10 years, and lost contact fer more than half of the time has finally contacted me again. I guess my prayers all this years has been granted. But the email went to my Graffiti.net account and the email+web hosting have currently suspended my account fer not loggin in fer more than 60 days. All my web pages are gone and my emails were deleted. The email was sent nearly 6 months ago and the suckiness of my wifi coverage at home didn't allow me to check the emails sooner. Lucky that email didn't get deleted. Hopefully the person still uses that same email add. I'm eager to meet up with her again. Aha. Yeah the person is a she. If I'm meant to see her again, we'll meet.

I'm currently rebuildin my homepage and it's quite a pain in the ass because I can only transfer the files one by one. And fer sure there'll be some files which is missin because my offline storage fer the files went kaput (the problem with XP with my laptop a few months ago.. pfftt.). I'm in a hellofa good mood today I didn't mind at all. You can be sure the homepage will be back online in a few more minutes. Later.

MyTeam vs Malaysia, it's obvious who's the real winner..

Ah. Football. I have to admit, I have long abandoned my desire to watch any Malaysian football match since, uhm, ever. I'm not afraid to say that watchin any local team play is like watchin amateurs. So flame me. But today I'm watchin a local football match. But it's not just any match, yeah it's MyTeam vs. Malaysia's junior team.

It's now 1 goal fer each team. Who I pick to win the match? MyTeam of course. But it's ok if they lose. The team which was assembled & trained fer bout 6 months playin against the "pro". Hah. HAHA MyTeam shoot the 1st goal! Huurrrahhhh! I'm still happy fer it. Even if MyTeam lose, this scar on Malaysian team will never heal. Such disgrace. This is the harsh reality, our national teams are spoilt too much with luxury and such, they became football workers rather than football players.

Update, Malaysian team has just scored another goal. It's now 2-1 fer Malaysian and MyTeam.

Where was I? Oh about our national players. Well, I know I'm not the only one who's thinkin like that. I know many of us do. Care to tell me what's our rankin in the world now? Bottom 20? Or 40? Sad is it? It is. When MyTeam scored the 1st goal, I was excited and sad at the same time. Our "pros" against the amateurs and the latter got the 1st lead. This shows how rubbish our current football situation has gone. We can't even make a name in southeast asia. Forget about the asian cup. World cup? With the current status, don't make me laugh. Even Togo, the country I never heard before went to Germany playin fer World Cup.

What's wrong with our players? If you ask me I'd still say it's about materials and luxury. It's not rare to see a new born star went like a kindergarden's football player after gettin a Perdana V6 or somethin fer his achievement in his last match against whoever. It's like a disease, a sad plague that has poisoned our players. Do they really love the game? Nobody knows except themselves. Fer sure they love the money and fame.

So Malaysia's junior team won the game with 2 to 1. Is it somethin to brag about? Did they make up to their status? To me, they are a major disappointment. If they got a 5-0 score, then I can seriously agree that they are our pros. But lookin at the match statistics, and their opponent, they got nothin to be proud about. They lose big time. In the end, MyTeam, the real amateurs, proved that love for the game can make any player, a star. I fully agrees with MyTeam's motto: Believe in possibilities. Chin up MyTeam, you really proves us that Malaysian can play football like a pro if they try hard. Thank you fer showin us that Malaysian football still have hope of survivin.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against our national team. Eh, wait. I am. And I will always be until our team is feared once again like the *long* good old days. Until that day, many like me will make this special match today the only local football match we'll watch.

Heh, even the Man of The Match goes to MyTeam's player. Later.

Homepage down.

Urh. It's the first time in so many years that my homepage is down (yeah this time I didn't put any link with the word because of it.) and my web folder is currently empty. Ouch. I don't know what happened. Lucky fer me I have the offline files of my homepage but I don't quite know how updated is it. Well, it's better than havin nothin. Sorry fer those who tried openin my homepage but can't. I'll try and upload the files later. Err.. later.

Countin days & bad dreams.

The doctor(s) at HKL has made the decision to cancel the planned 2nd operation fer my father. They say that the risk is too high. So they released my father and he's now back in Seremban. He's condition is somewhat, stable but.. how should I put it.. ok he don't have much time left. As the doctors put it, he cannot be saved.

I woke up around 5am today, been given a bad dream that made me nervous. It was the same dream like I had before. The 1st time I had it, I got calls from my aunt tellin me my father was sent to HKL fer brain tumor and today I had the same exact dream.

I sent my kid sister, Emma fer a trip back to Seremban today. She took a bus and in a few more hours, she'll be in Seremban. Somehow, this kind of sadness always gets into me when I see her go away. Some of you who read my homepage might have known how close me and my kid sister is. Yeah I'm a sentimental person sometime.

Bestman fer a best friend, June fer recordin and all.

It's been a while since my last blog. If I remembers correctly. My internal clock has gone haywired so I'm not quite sure the distance between the last thing I've done and now. Ah well..

What else is new? Well, where should I start. I've been savin bunch of memorised blogs and now I don't know what to write first. Oh, my kid sister is here at my home. She's on holiday and she's stayin fer a while before she go back to my aunt's house in Seremban. She came on 9th and I had to follow her back to Penang to accompany her fer her exam.

In Penang, I was breakin all the university's rule. I wear a tee and track pant which is forbidden, my hair is way longer than they approved and I sneaked into the men's hostel so that I can take a nap. Hah. It was fun no doubt about it. We arrived at around 5 somethin in the mornin, I was tired from the lack of sleep, and we went back to Puchong at 6pm. So, I ended up takin a few days off. Heck there's no installation too so the timin is not bad at all.

This 3rd June I'll be my friend's bestman (pengapit) fer his weddin. Imagine that. As far as I've remembered, this is my 3rd time bein a bestman fer someone's weddin. Not to mention bein a photographer too. This time around, I had to be both. The bestman and the photographer. The best thing is, I can have the good foods. Oh, I have to get a Baju Melayu. Lucky fer me I've already bought a few metres of textile fer my Baju Melayu. It's been a long while since I went to a tailor but then, I can use this Baju Melayu fer Hari Raya too! Heh. Not bad eh?.

Excludin this upcomin weddin, I have another 4 friends who'll get married soon. It's one of those season I guess. To those who's gettin married, congratulation fer you couples. May the bond hold you guys together fer the rest of the life and the afterlife.

Bad news. I get this feelin that this past few days was the time of destruction. Why? My jeans has been crazily torned all by itself. My boots got munched by a customer's dog (brat..) and the power window of my car stop workin smoothly. Dagnammit. Got to get a new boots, a pair (or two) of workin shoe (well I wore the ol boots to work and the poor soul commit suicide.. I understand.) and a pair of jeans and maybe a tee or two. Hangah (my 2nd guitarist) is sellin his newly bought The Black Dahlia Murder t-shirt fer a good price. He bought a size too small fer him but just fine with me. Ah I love bein thin.

Ah, June is near. The month Fractured have been waitin fer. The time we'll *hopefully* go fer recordin fer the new record. Right now we're rushin to catch up with the new songs. I still have a few songs to write the lyrics left. Even the "The Life Inside The Hole" song from our old demo got no full lyric yet. Hehe. Call me lazy. Anyway, I've been pushin all the band members fer this upcomin June's recordin. If we delay it again, then it'll all be just history. It's now or never.

I'm in the office right now, abusin the resources to write this blog and there's no job fer today. I guess it's time fer me to get back home and continue my slumber. The longest holiday ever. Hehe. Nice. Later.

Dad in HKL & 1st Page 2006 is out!

My dad is in HKL now. In the emergency care room, waitin to go fer another operation. Now to remove another tumor that doctor have recently found. He was transfered from Seremban's hospital today and my aunt gave me a call just to inform me about it. I pray fer my father's health. Hope that he'll get through it just fine. I do love him.

Fer you html freaks out there. And those who bother to know what kind of html editor I use to create my homepage. You might heard of 1st Page 2000. Yeah I use that software. Why? Because it's better than FrontPage, my html codes is clean, and it doesn't cost me a dime to download and use. Now they have a new version! Finally! Everyone rejoice! Now they have 1st Page 2006! Go get it at their website. It's at http://www.evrsoft.com. Go! Go!.

I'm kinda tired so that's it fer now. It's gettin harder to see me wrote blogs nowadays huh? Well. It's one of those time. Later.

27 + 1 = ?

Hoho. Today is the day. The same day like every year. Yeah yeah it's mine! MINE! Today is my birthday hooo! Well but then I don't celebrate it, like every year. But my sisters give birthday wish's smses so it's fine. Oh thanks to isman too. Yeah yours will always be 1 day quicker than mine. So happy birthday to you too.

What did I do fer my birthday today? Well, I work my arse's off. So busy today with doin the new car grant, busy installation schedules. I'll have the new road tax tomorrow. Phew I thought I'll never get that. So now everytime it's my bday, it'll be a reminder about my car's roadtax. What a way to remind meself. Gettin birthday wishes from my sisters and friends is enough celebration fer me. Though I'd love it if someone buy me an Ibanez Destroyer II. Haha.

So thanks to those who sent their regards. Really appreciate it. Now I'm at the end of my 'teenage' life. Now's the time to get serious with my life. Or maybe not. Blah. Who cares. Just need to enjoy it. Now where's my cake.. Anyone? Later.

How could it be???

Why?!! Wahhhh! How could they?! Boo hoo. I'm sad. Life is cruel. Not long after my last blog post, all (6 or 7) the Ibanez Destroyer basses I saw up fer bid is gone already. So there's a bunch of smilin people out there, who got the basses. And I'm not included. Waaa! How much more cruel can it get? Just when I notice that Malaysian can use paypal (but with limited features, heck who cares, as long as we can use paypal to buy stuff.) account. Just when all my dream got to do with a Destroyer, somehow. Cruel. So cruel. I need to find a buddy in the State. Ohhh.

Another accident... Gettin sick & new love.

I had yet another accident 2 days ago. This time, a car hit my bike. I have to admit that it's my fault. Let's just say that a slight misjudgement can lead to a disaster. I ended up payin a sum of RM50 fer the scratch of the Vios's front bonnet. Yeah it's a Toyota Vios against my Modenas. Heh. It's pretty clear who's the winner is. The ache on my left knee from the last accident I had is still there and this new one adds to the pain. It's really achin. I'm injured on the same knee again. A bit of bruises and no serious injury. *sigh*.

And today I'm not feelin too well. I'm gettin a flu and I guess it'll be soon till I catch a cold. My head ache and my body is shiverin. Ah it's nice to just lie down on my bed. With the headache. What else can go wrong?

It's a surprise sometime, to actually fell in love again. I never thought that I would feel that same excitement this soon. She caught my attention, with her look, with that body. Oh man. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a healthy man and it's supposed to be normal aye? I have her picture and recently I got her name. It's a 4 strings Ibanez Destroyer II.

Such a beauty huh? As you can see this one is a 1982 make. I found a black 1984 version with 2 humbuckers (AHHH! Humbucker fer bass guitar?! AHHH! They have not 1 but double humbuckers?! AHHH! Me drool..). So they have a look of an Explorer guitar. It's beautiful. The design is great. I wonder about the sound. Must be sexy.

Most of the Destroyer I saw up fer sale or bid is either in europe or USA. *sigh*. Too bad we Malaysian don't have Paypal. I really like the Destroyer. To tell you the truth, I might even sell my TR Series to buy the Destroyer. But this is between us, don't tell my TR huh. Heck I've done crazy things to get my current TR Series, so I might be out of my mind fer Destroyer too. Who knows. I love em Ibanez. It's too bad I don't have any friends in the State or I can ask them fer help bout gettin it. I know I'll be dreamin bout this bass guitar now. Ahhhhh.....

It's like when I fell in love with an Ibanez EDA. Even the near-exact blog post huh? If you're wonderin why men like me take our instruments as the opposite sex, well, my personal answer is that I'm not a gay. Later.

Am I to blame?

Here I am sittin in front of my laptop. Which despite the name, is sittin on the floor not on my lap. By the time I wrote the 2nd paragraph of this blog, I might have gone back from an installation which is scheduled fer another 50 minutes. Confusin? Don't be. Writin a blog might take a while and might take a long while. So that's why a blog is like a time machine. If the writer can tell somethin which is currently happenin, the readers (if any) will have a chance to imagine what's it like fer that specific time. Be it a minute after, or a month, or a year; this time machine will never fail. So now, I guess you, and honestly myself is wonderin what in hell I'm tryin to say. Wait, I'm still thinkin of a theme here. But all I can feel is frustration. Ok well. We got a theme now. It's about frustration.

Ok I'm wrong. It's the second chapter already and I still have another 15 minutes before I'll be off fer my next appointment. How's my work so far? It's fun most of the time. And sometime it's tickin my nerves. When that time comes, it really made me lose my appetite. Ah, preparin fer another of my 'whinin blog' eh? You better. Because this post is full of it. Or at least I hope it'll be. You see, I write what I thought on the specific moment and yeah, my mood changes in a brief so I'm not quite sure if I'll write what I originally intended to. Let's start with what had happen this past few days.

Work. Ah. Well. What is there to say? It sucks sometime to work. Infact it does show when you're workin with the customers. I'm not the 'customer relation' type of person. I'm the 'sit and do the work until it's done and get the hell out quickly' type of person. Not to say that I totally suck at communicatin with customer, heck no you can ask any of my past customers. But it's just that, I don't quite like it. And when the customer is the hyper-fussy type, the suckiness show. This past few days really showed me why I don't prefer dealin directly with customer or to make it clear, interruption from customers when I'm doin my work. Yeah we have a few hyper-fussy customers this week.

Earlier this month, I installed Streamyx fer a company. They have no IT staff (sign of bad luck) except fer 1 software eng dude. No, I'm not sayin soft-eng dudes are bad. We, the IT people whether in soft-eng, network, sys-admin or any others; most of us know our capabilities. We know what our field of expertise is. But this specific dude lack that specific instinct. So that's where it went wrong. Me, network/internet guy and him, software guy. Talkin bout network. Which quickly turned to minor debates. Inflictin messy mis-communications. Delayin my work. Boilin my blood.

He have a workin Streamyx installed. His company upgraded to a Enterprise package consistin of 1 fixed IP Address usin another telephone number. So I checked the new line, activate it and put the new modem fer the line. I asked him to test the connection and it was fine. Good. No? Nu-uh. Not yet. He got confused. Well he didn't mention that he IS confused but I know. The problem (if it's safe to call it a 'problem') is that he want to transfer the new Streamyx, replacin the old line. Well actually the solution would be to put the new line to the old modem, minor reconfigurin the modem with the new Streamyx username / password. But he kept buggin me bout LAN address which is controlled by the internal DHCP server (it's either the server or the modem/router itself.) plus some other non-related issues which can be easily solved. There was a few intense moment. Everytime I explain a solution fer his 'problems', he kept spewin nonsensical questions which made me wonder what's the relativeness of his new questions with the solutions I provided earlier. To make it worst, he is lost in his own words too. It's like he's ignorin my answers and recyclin his questions with a new additional scenarios just to make it look like the situation is really bad and there is gazillion issues. I had another customer waitin with the distant about more than an hour ride and the appointment is suppose to be in another 15 minutes. Yeah I was delayed too long already.

Ok I just got back from my last appointment fer today. Phew. Yeah it took me 5 paragraph before I got the motivation to go. Heh. Where was I? Oh yeah the delayed thingy. So after my numerous explaination and tips, he finally see a bit of the light. The questions didn't stop though. From the long tortures of listenin to his questions, I noticed that he's concerned about what replacin the line into the old DSL modem would do to the existin LAN configuration which is near to none. So I gave the same answer, yet again, which is "just put the new line to the old modem and reconfigure the old modem with the new Streamyx's login username / password" until he said somethin like "ok why don't you put the line and configure it". That's when I think I knew what's goin on. He don't know how to configure the modem.

I'd gladly help him out if he asked fer it 50 minutes earlier. But he held me fer too long already and my next customer is waitin. Fer your information, we the Streamyx Installers, our duty is to check the DSL line/signal, activate the account and test the connectivity with the DSL modem that we provide. Other than that, it's solely depend on the customer. Even if I could tweak the old modem and all, the risk is too much. I can't afford to be held responsible if anythin happens to the current network. To keep it simple, it's the internal IT staff's duty to do that. Imagine the server goin down, and blamin it on me because I was the one who laid my hands on the modem. Even if the trouble don't have anythin to do with the modem itself. Get the picture? Hey it happened to other installer before and that's why it's risky. So I tell him that and then he said, "I'm just a software engineer and I don't know bout router/modem and stuff". The magic words. One of the few things I can totally agree. It's only that he realised it 50 minutes too late. So I asked him to give the company who installed the servers fer his company a call and sort that out. I gave him a copy of the "work order" which contains all the nescessary informations needed about the Streamyx package and I left.

Then I have this other customer who when I check his computer, lack of a network card. The DSL modem we provide require a network card installed. So he started to blame me fer not mentionin it earlier when he's fillin the registration form. "Bling!". It went through me like a wasp sting. I'm the installer, not a reseller. Reseller is the one who must provide the adequate information on the requirements and such. So I tell him just that. Ironically, to think about it, I am tellin him about the required bits ain't I? So he told me he need the Streamyx quickly. Well yeah I hate repeatin the same premise twice too because if the job ain't done, I can't claim the money. It's not like I love goin to the same house a few times because it'll waste my time and the bike's petrol. So I gave him an option, he can take his computer to his favourite PC shop and get a network card installed, or if he prefer it, I can sell, install and configure a network card to him fer just RM50. He opted fer the 1st choice so I asked him to call me back when the PC is ready.

A day later, he called and I came to his house again hopin to finally get the job done. Guess what? He have this smile on his face, with the computer's CPU open and a network card next to it. Yeah he just buy a network card and want me to install it. Great. Such consideration. I felt like a fool there. Quickly I get the job done and hope that it'll be the last time I'll be facin a customer like that.

A few days later, the man call me up. Sayin that he had to reformat his PC (heh..) and now he don't know how to log into Streamyx. For your information, if the default installation is changed, like reformattin the PC, deletin the dialer, changin the modem etc; it'll no longer be the installer's responsible. The regulation is stated in the "Acceptance Form" which the customer is required to sign and given a copy to keep. How naive I was to actually think that anyone would read it. So I tell him that I'll gladly give a phone support fer that. He agreed and he call up his son fer me to teach. New dialer is made and it's all singin and dancin (I'm quotin what a customer of mine would say fer things that's ok). Well, not exactly. 3 days later, the same guy gave me a voice message early in the mornin. He said "Are you comin or not?" and I don't like the tone. 1st, I don't remember settin up a date to come to his house, and another thing is why he waited fer another 3 days to call me back. Another successfull re-formation of the poor PC? I don't know and I don't like it. So I called him back and explain the situation to him. It took me more than RM6 worth of my mobile airtime and still he's not satisfied. When I told him that I have to charge him if I came to his house, he argued that I was supposed to state that 3 days earlier. Heck we never have a conversation about "goin to my house" before. Then he said that he'll pay but he want me to come on the same day. I told him that my schedule is packed that day and because it's already Saturday, I can only come on the next Monday. I can sense he can no longer contain his temper when he said that "I'll report this to TMNet and you don't have to come, I'll just cancel the Streamyx". He was blackmailin me? A threat? Nice one. I just give him an "ok" and until now, it's the last time he ever contacted me.

Recently I got a phone call from an IT company. Which later I was told that they provided a VPN router fer the company I installed earlier. Yeah the same company with the soft-eng guy. Now this dude have a problem with his VPN router. He have to set a gateway IP address in it and he don't have the specific information. Sadly, even I don't have that information. Now this dude is persistent. He kept sayin that I have it and don't want to tell it to him. What the... All the information I gave, the work order, that's all that I have. And furthermore, a buddy of mine says that gateway IPs is randomly given eventhough the WAN IP is fixed. *I'm not quite sure fer Corporate package though. But I've installed to much bigger companies like Sharp Roxy and such, and they never have any issues whatsoever.*. So I told him to call up the Customer Center and ask if the technical staff there can help. With a grudge, he followed my tips and that was not the last time I heard about him.

Earlier this afternoon, the same guy call and asked me the same thing. The information I don't have. And he even threatened to complaint about my secrecy about the gateway IP. Pffttt. Then later that evenin, TMNet called me and asked me to come to the same company tomorrow because there's an error with the 'docket'. Yeah. Great. We're to clean up everyone else's mess. But heck I want to see that IT company guy who supplied the VPN router. I can't wait fer that and I'm tired of ignorant people. I'm tired fer bein blame of everythin which is not my fault. Or is it really my fault?

I guess I'm the one who to be blame. Maybe it IS my fault. To think of it, it might be true. Say, it's my fault that you don't know anythin about networkin. I could've stayed fer a few month to teach you about it until you're competent enough. Well it's my fault that you don't know much about configurin a DSL modem right? It's my fault that your PC got reformatted too. I should've known better than assumin that you can possibly know that your PC won't get any malicious programs. I should've stayed with you and guide you when you're surfin the big bad internet. I should recite the content of the 1 page Acceptance Form every mornin to you. At least I should give you a 6 month basic computer course so that you can use windows XP and Internet Explorer. It's my fault if your modem got struck by lightnin. I should've went to your house to unplug the telephone wire everytime the weather gone bad because eventhough I say the tip everytime after every installation, I must realise that you might not remember that at all. It's my fault your VPN router is complicated. I should've written a more easy OS fer your VPN router instead. It's my fault for not recoverin the memory of your new password which was recently lost. I should've dig deep into your mind to recover it. At least I should give you a call to remind you of your new password everytime you're goin online. It's also my fault that you need a computer to use Streamyx. I should at least buy you a computer system so that you can join the internet and enjoy the wonder of bein online. I'm so sorry. I'm a bad person.

There. I'm relieved now. It's a good feelin to actually realise our weaknesses aye? It feels good to know our mistakes huh? I should be more considerate. Later.

So I have to make a new grant..

*sigh*. The grant is still nowhere to be found. Looks like I don't have any other choice than to make a new one. The long and borin process. The torment. If you're wonderin what's the torture of havin to make a new grant is, here's the list.

1) Make a police report.
2) If the car is still under hire-purchase, ask fer a letter of permission (not quite sure, I'll find out in a few days) to print a new grant.
3) Car inspection at PUSPAKOM.
4) Print a new grant at JPJ.

Dependin on the situation, you might or might not need to give the grant to the car's finance. I asked my buddy at BCF (Bumiputra-Commerce Finance) and he said the total cost is about RM100. Yeah it's kinda cheap but then the process will take forever! Bla bla birocracies bla bla. Ah well, take it or leave it.

My hands is itchin to start my DIY engine overhaul project. Very itchy. Itchy itchy itchy. So I have to yet postpone the project until I get a new grant and renew the roadtax.

Went back to Seremban last Saturday, practised Fractured's
new songs. Hoho another 2 new songs and we'll be ready to go recordin. I'm so excited I got my pants wet. Ok seriously now all that's left is to make sure the songs is tight and to find the best studio fer our recordin (and not burnin holes in our pockets too).

Still no word bout the oversea gigs so I guess it's just a rumour. *sigh*. A friend of mine got a slot fer a metal-core gig in either Bandung or Jakarta, Indonesia. I'm tryin to look like I'm not that jealous. Damn. Later.

Stop the media lies! Now!

Are you Malaysian? A metalhead? Bored with the damn lies the media is sellin? Detained in a recent gig? Locked up fer wearin black? Want to do somethin for the community? Now here's your chance. No, I'm not askin you fer a favor. Instead, you'll do yourself and your fav music/band a favor. It's payback time.

Nowadays, it's either you'll believe the media lies regardin the 'black metal' issue or you had to believe it. As crazy and (90% percent) rubbish as those media like Harian Metro, Mastika and many others have written in their publication(s), people can and will believe it. Heck, some people do believe the 'goat blood drinks' bull anyway. Because they are not afraid to tell more lies just to boost their much needed sale (what else..). And by doing that, they hope to make those lies regarded as the truest truth. So you have to do somethin about it. If you care. If you still want to listen to other great music other than sleezy poppy and the likes.

Now there's many metal camp out there is startin to do somethin about it. Some are preparin their lawyers to sue the media etc. This is where it gets interestin. It'll be more great if you guys can help them. Metalterus has already begun their quest fer justice. There's many others like hardcore community, indie, gig organisers and indiependant record labels who's doin the same thing. So you're tired of all the media bull and lies. So now's you chance to make things right. We won't want our children to get jailed fer wearin 'NZ All Black' t-shirt in the future would we?

So, if you or your band we're wrongly featured in either by text or picture in any media publication regardin the 'black metal' issue, or you or you band were wrongly labeled as 'black metal' in any media publication, or detained or locked up fer goin to any gig recently; you can help these guys to clear up the mess and clean you or your band's name. Help yourself by helpin them. A small help can make a big change.

This is not a war against the media or the police or the authorities. If, and only if the war is already started, it's not us (the metal/indie music community) who started the fire. We're defendin our freedom to listen to any music we want, to dress as decent as we want without any color restriction, to play any type of music we want and many more. The most important thing fer me, to teach the media the value of truth in publication which is sadly lackin in their writin ethic nowadays. The power will always be to the people. And now it's time to use it.

Here's one of the advertisement on the suein process. You can also visit Metalterus for other updated information. You can also contact your favourite distro/friend fer other infos. Rot on!


Help this people sueing the metro and the police

From: First Stance Records


At first stance records. We here are working on posiblity to sueing harian metro and what grounds they should be sue. And if we found any reason that hard enough to sue them. We will need your help. Any one that have their faces printed on Jan 1 2006 Harian Metro do keep on update with us. Please forward this to everyone and do email us at firstance@yahoo.com for our database. One more issue if you wanted to sue the malaysian police over breaching your rights do contact this person who are organising group of people to perform the sueing. It is neccesary you guys to go on groups sueing rather than individual. if you might have friend who are involved do tell them about this.

Contact him for advice. He will compile the data.
En Rafil - 0123892260
or email him at rafil@disarseter.com

I forgot somethin important & Bike Accident: The Return of Lousy Biker.

Our brain is a complex thing. It's a gift that God gave us with such complexity, we barely know everythin about it. Our brain have many function, be it to compute, memorise and such. Not to forget, another gift to us human, the ability to forget.

God created everythin not without any use. Everythin has it's own purpose. Be it the smallest cell, or the big ol dinosaur. It's just with our limited capabilities, we failed to know why it's created. The same goes to our ability to forget. Imagine our live without it. We will forever be burdened by sorrows and grieves we had in life. Forever troubled by our past mistakes & errors. That's one of the reason we can forget. It's so that we can live, learn and go on with our lives. It's miraculously a usefull ability and sometime, can be the exact opposite.

Ok let's cut the story short huh. I misplaced my car's grant, and now I can't find it. I basically fergot where I put it before. To make it worst, the roadtax will expire next month. Great. Just great. Just in time fer my next roadtax renewal. I've been havin hard times tryin to recall the place where I put it. I've been searchin my home fer gazillion time, my bags, my files, even tryin to shred my pillows apart if that can help but still, the grant is nowhere to be found. And all I have in my mind is a simple clip of me holdin that grant somewhere in the house. *sigh*.

To replace it, is a major pain in the arse. The Police report, Puspakom's inspection, JPJ approval, Finance issues bla bla bla... Arghhh! It's just time and patience consumin. The tense is unbearable. If I still can't find it by the middle of this month, I have no other choice than to replace it and hope that I can live to tell you more about it.

Speakin bout life. I had an accident a few days ago. I was on my way to Klang and a bike rammed mine in Shah Alam. In the middle of a daily traffic jam. The bike hit my right side sendin us both to the ground. Lucky fer me my reflexes is good enough to stop me from slammin my body to the ground.

So what happens after that? Well, my bike have a scratch, the side mirror shattered and ironically, the bike's allignment was better than factory's default. And I have a few scratches on my left leg. That's all. The guy who hit my bike got no serious injury too. But his bike weren't sharin the same luck as he did. The fork's bent and to make it worst, he's asked me fer a compensation. Great.

So the next day, I took him and his bike to a place where a friend of mine is a regular. I got a discount and the guy buggered the 'taukeh' fer a receipt until the garage owner told him to bug off because he only give the receipt to the person who'll pay fer it, which is me.

Notice that I didn't put much details bout the accident here eh. Well, that's because I need to find my darn car's grant and that's more important! Later.

Shocked at my father's health state..

I got a call this mornin, from my kid sister. It seems that she was tryin to contact me since I lost my mobile. She said that my father went fer medical checkup and the test result is shockin. My father have a brain tumor.

That explains the current situation he's in. I'm still in shock. I just don't know what to think. But I do know that my father is strong. I wish I could say somethin that will make him comfortable. But, damn, I just don't know how to react with him. I guess all those time we're separated made me like what I am now. I do care. It's just that I don't know how to show it. So am I guilty fer that?

Enough with me whinin bout my past. I pray fer my father's safety. I'll try to be there when he need me. I'm bein honest and realistic. I'm his son.

Later.

What a week...

What a week. I lost my mobile, waited to replace it until my boss gave 1 to me 2 days ago. Can't use my old sim card because Celcom blocked it. I already paid the dues and still they need me to go to the nearest Center to reactivate the darn line. The good news is, there's none in Puchong. How bout that huh? So I have to choose between PJ and Klang. Because Klang is my work area, I don't have to think twice.

Got 2 appointment last Friday, 1 in Klang and 1 in Puchong. But then I have to follow a new guy to USJ because he's not that confident to install Streamyx. Ok fine as long as I can do my work later after that. I was thinkin bout replacin my missin sim card and reactivatin another before or after I'm done with the installation in Klang, which I've set at 4.00pm. Guess what, it was 5.15pm and I'm still stuck in USJ. It was rainin so I was soaked through the jacket I wore. Fine, I can still rush to Klang to catch up with the jobs. But no I was stuck in Shah Alam because it was rainin like crazy. After waitin fer a long while, I choose to cancel the plan and head back to Puchong. So I lost 2 plans just like that. Nice.

Tried to catch my other appointment in Puchong, but it's rained heavily there too. So I was drenched, water drippin on my pants. My shoe was like a lake. So I had that appointment canceled too. So I can't use the old sim card yet.

Called up the 2 people I supposed to do the installation fer today, tryin to set up another appointment. Got it, the earliest was at 6.00pm. So I waited, it's started to rain. Bad news. But it was still ok. So I head up to Klang, to Celcom Center. Great, it's closed already. My bad, it's Saturday and it's already 5 somethin. It rained in Shah Alam but I got my raincoat. It was ok. Called up the Klang customer then she said that she can't, need to change the appointment to Monday. Wow. Fine. Still can't use the damn sim card.

Went back to Puchong, got reappointed to do the installation at the Puchong's customer somewhere after Mahgrib. Waited in front of his house until Isyak. Called him but went to voicemail. 20cents gone just like that. Great. Went home and open up the work order, heck somebody installed Streamyx fer that Puchong's guy already. I wanted to call my boss to see if any of my teammate is appointed to do that. But hey, I can't use the sim card.

So here I am. Whinin my arse's off fer you stranger's readin pleasure. Yeah so it sucks to be alone. No one who I can spill my problems with, and seein her reaction at the same time. To hear her voice tellin me it's ok, those things I've been through, just to make me feel better. Sittin next to me when I've regained my senses, enjoyin dinner with me. And after I went home, she'll ring just to make sure I'm ok. *sigh*.. Ah wait, I can't use my damn sim card..

Later.

Another new song ready.

Satisfaction. It feels so good. Me and Fractured had a jam session 2 days ago and we filled the whole hour practicin one of our new song. I named the song 'Death Zone' and the session went great. The song changed from the last time I practice it and now the song is longer. Anyway, the song is still as intense as I wanted it to be.

I wrote the lyrics the 1st time I practice it and because it's been a long while since the song was completed, I kinda get the lyrics on and off. Haha. Well can't blame me fer that. Fer me, it's easier to memorise a lyrics when I play it with the band. Play it with my TR Series. In that situation, I can see which part is hard fer me to play and sing and focus more on practicin that specific part harder.

Fer me, this is my favourite song. Why? Because it has the tempo I wanted in a song. Fast but not rushin, catchy but technical and most of all, it's a challenge to sing and play bass with this song. Not to say that this song is very hard or I'm a great bassplayer. I'm just sayin that it's challengin because I need to improve more.

Now it's just 2 more songs until we're ready fer recordin. The original planned date fer recordin has slipped to early of June. Can't help it. Hey, we're not a full-time musician and we all have a day job to live with! And I can't wait to release the new album too damnit!

I'm still waitin fer Udin's version of Langsuyr's My Oath For Thee cover. I have the permission to change the lyrics so I need to hear the new version before I can write it. Fahmi has completed the next new song and there's a few tweak here and there. I personally hope we can practice all the songs soon because I can't wait to get in a studio.

Darn, I still have this song echoin in my head. So it must be good. Eh? Later.